Thursday, October 2, 2014

What do you want to be when you grow up? #Blogtober2014

That's a loaded question. Everything I've ever wanted to be, for as long as I remember, was art-related. Nothing practical. I did want to be a nurse, like my mom, when I was about 5-7, but looking back, I think I wanted to play the part of a nurse, making people feel better, and not getting blood or puke or pee on me. I also think I wanted to be my mom. She's still my hero, and is in remission from Breast Cancer. Go, mommy!

Birthday Cupcakes!
But around that same time, I also really wanted to be a painter, though I never really could draw well (like my friend, Kaity, who is a much better artist than she believes herself to be). I do remember that after seeing Annie (1982) with Albert Finney, Carol Burnett, and Ann Reinking, I really wanted to be a dancer. Ann Reinking made it look so easy. I also started singing along with the many musicals that my dad showed me (for many years, I wanted to be Judy Garland).

As I got older, and didn't get the solos I thought I deserved (I was, and still am, a bit stuck up about my singing. I'm good!), and this continued into high school and college. Doesn't do much for the self-esteem to be constantly told No. Getting told I'd never make it as an actress during college is still a wound that's healing. Luckily, about four years ago, I attended church with my parents, who introduced me to the worship leader, John. Dad introduced me as, "My daughter who sings," and the next thing I knew, I was singing up on stage with the rest of the team the following week. I constantly worried about whether people were mad at me, since I'd never been there before, and wasn't a member. That fear pressed on me for months, until one week, I missed service, because I was out of town, and when I returned, everyone told me how glad they were that I was back. I am completely and totally blessed to be singing with such a talented group of musicians at my church. I sometimes think that singing on a worship team is where God wants me, because it's the most at home I've ever felt while singing for people.

But singing on a small church's worship team doesn't pay the bills, sadly. I still think about what I want to be when I grow up, because I don't feel grown up in the slightest. I just turned 29, and it doesn't feel like it. I was just speaking to a woman on the phone about booking my Girlfriend Cruise 2015, and she told me I sounded like a child. #sopranoproblems

I've never stopped writing stories, ever since I was nine years old. Even while pursuing acting, I wrote and wrote and wrote (though, I didn't finish anything until 2012, when I finished my first book). Making the switch from Acting to Creative Writing wasn't a hard switch (until I met my classmates, but that's a completely different story).

I started this blog in 2012 because I wanted a place to consistently write and share my thoughts. My goal is to someday use the blog as a jumping off point to more freelance work. I've just recently started looking for freelance work to supplement my regular paycheck (dang private school student loan debt!), and get my bills paid off.

What it all comes down to is that I want to write and sing. These have always been my passions. To make a living with one or both of them is the dream. And I'm working on it.

Helene in Between Blogtober

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