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Living, Learning, Loving My Lord

I've been spending the last few weeks with my eyes on the news. From the hell that's raining down in the middle east, to the hell that's raining onto our own soil, I've been searching for answers by searching for God.

Not to say I haven't been aquainted with God for quite some time, but when things get especially bad, I call out and ask for reminders that He is the same God that brought the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery (Exodus 14), and the same God that brought down the walls of Jericho (Joshua 6), and who saved the Hebrew people by placing a single woman in a place where she could make a difference to the king (Esther). I'm constantly wondering how God wants me to be like these people, whether he's going to use me to change the world.

The more I learn of God, and truly understand his love, it completely floors me. A few years ago, I was living in a bad roommate situation. She was verbally abusive, negelctful, narcisstic, and selfish. I lost weight due to depression, and she chastised me for trying to entice her boyfriend (not even kidding), and spent most of my time alone crying out to God, praying for Him to fill the lonliness in my life, and if at all possible, remove me from the situation before it was too late. When my beautiful dog passed away in February 2010, I didn't get condolences from her, I got, "Why is the kitchen such a pigsty?" (It wasn't), or "Why do I have to do everything?" Nearly at my breaking point, the next day, God answered prayers that I'd been praying for nearly nine months: I could get out, cut all ties, and never see her again. I'm still convinced that I was at my breaking point, and God pulled me back before I did something completely regrettable.

Right now, we're living in a time of great trouble. I refuse to watch the video of the death of James Foley. When I read about him, and about the other, it breaks my heart. It was so senseless, and barbaric. They didn't deserve to die.

I don't feel completely safe in my country right now. I feel like generations of politicians fighting for their jobs instead of for the people they work for have brought us where we are. We haven't asked for it, but it's a cause and effect action.

God promised long ago that when he was planning on sending Jesus back to earth to bring His followers to Heaven, life would be completely upside down. Today, September 11, a date which all Americans promised not to forget because of the trauma we all felt over it, feels like a date which would rather be forgotten. Our soldiers are turned away from getting their children at school, because the uniform might offend someone. The American Flag might offend someone. Speaking English might offend someone. Being born a certain color might offend someone. I've always believed that I'm going to offend someone no matter what I do, and it's getting to the point where I'm totally right.

I'm wondering if the world, on the cusp of being destroyed by politics, religion, and the selfishness of man, will be pulled from the brink, which will lead to the rapture.

My mind has been extremely rambly today, and I'm sorry that this post isn't as upbeat as some. If you have no idea about the End Times, or the Rapture, Nicholas Cage and Chad Michael Murray are going to be starring in a movie called Left Behind. It is based on a book series that came out around fifteen years ago. I saw the original version, starring Kirk Cameron, but this one looks like it'll be a bit more believable, which is a tad on the scary side. Gotta love Hollywood budgets.

Psalm 27:14:’Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. 


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